Dad in Real Life

Until we had a child with food allergies, I don’t think either my wife or I had any idea how much of an issue it really is. Our youngest child has an allergy to raspberries which we discovered shortly after we learned he was asthmatic.

At first we thought that it wasn’t the end of the world - it’s a pretty specific allergy and one that should be pretty easy to watch out for in terms of it being added to foods. Wrong.

While it’s true that in terms of solid food, most times you see anything with raspberry in it, it’s in the title. Raspberry jam. Raspberry crumble. Etc, etc, etc. It turns out that it gets trickier - anything that says just “berry” or “wildberry” or some variation has to be examined carefully. Then of course, close relatives of raspberries, such as blackberries and bakeapples (or ‘cloudberries’) are also avoided, rather than take a chance.

The thing we have to be the most careful about it juices and punches. While you don’t think of raspberries as a common juice ingredient, it actually is used all of the time. Any fruit punch, fruit cocktail, etc. we have to double and triple check the ingredients to see if it contains berries. If we aren’t sure, we can’t take the chance. Raspberries, it seems, are a popular choice because of the bright red colour they provide a lot of punches.

The number of times our son has had to pass on a punch because it did contain raspberries, or we just couldn’t be sure is pretty amazing. Luckily he seems to take it all in stride, but it has to be frustrating at birthday parties and what not to have something different from all of your friends again and again.

Having to be vigilant with what foods contain and the consequences of getting lazy about it have been a real eye opener. A good example of this is when we’re eating out somewhere. I’ve always been a picky eater and often order “special” orders - I don’t know how “special” a plain cheeseburger is exactly, but whatever. I think a lot of times, restaurants just assume that the thing you’re asking to be removed is just something you don’t like or that you are just like me - picky.

But what if it’s because you have an allergy. And not just the kind that gives you a rash or makes your eyes water, but one that cause you to have difficulty breathing or go into anaphylactic shock.

With food allergies becoming more and more prevalent, I think this is something that many places need to really educate their staff on to prevent serious issues or even tragedies. I realize that mistakes can happen, but if people aren’t made aware of what can happen if they don’t pay attention to important details, then mistakes are going to be more common.

Interrupting - Kids always feel like what they have to say is the most important thing in the world. And it is - in their world. But they need to learn as early as possible that they are part of a bigger world and that sometimes you have to wait a minute to say what you want to say. Something we have used successfully with our children to teach them to wait (but also that they’re important enough to be heard) is to have them hold our hand while they wait. We say something like “I don’t want to forget that you had something to say, so hold my hand until it’s your turn to talk.”

Hitting/Physical Aggression - As babies and as toddlers, kids are learning self control, so you may see things such as hitting, pushing, biting, hair pulling, etc. They need to be told no, firmly and consistently. Children need to learn to deal with anger and frustration in healthier and productive ways as early as possible.

Running Around in Public/Crowded Places -This is really a parent issue. While you may think it’s cute to have your child running around and screaming like an idiot, chances are the other people in the café/restaurant/library, etc don’t find it so endearing. There are plenty of places for kids to run around and be, well, kids! They need to learn that there are places where they can do this and places where they can’t.

 

Yesterday was absolutely one of the best days I can remember. And the coolest part was that it was a day that I’m certain that Caleb will remember it forever as well.

Caleb has been a fan of curling for a long time, but really got into this year as he started playing it himself with the local Little Rocks program. He watched a lot of curling on television as well, learning about strategy, rules, scoring, etc - a big leap from just cheering for whichever team he happened to like more.

Already being a big fan of the Calgary Flames, while watching the Brier, Caleb attached himself to Team Alberta from the start, not knowing how accomplished a team Kevin Martin’s foursome was. To Caleb’s delight Team Alberta finished the Brier unbeaten, giving them a repeat Canadian Championship as well as a chance to defend their world title from last year.

As luck would have it, the World Championships are being held in Moncton this year, only 30 minutes away. Tickets for the event were more than reasonable and so, as a surprise to Caleb I picked up two tickets for Draw 13 - which had Canada vs. the US. Best of all, after the game, Team Canada was doing one of only two autograph sessions for the week.

Caleb was so excited to be seeing his favourite team (and player) competing and was enthralled by the friendliness and fun of the crowd. A group from Scotland and another from Switzerland kept the audience amused with various cheers and chants in support of their teams, both of which Caleb would jump up and participate in as best as he could (I still have no idea what the Swiss were saying). Caleb even got to do his first few waves - something he thought was hilarious.

Caleb watched the game with great interest, cheering for great shots on both sides and just enjoying the atmosphere. At the end of the game, a 9-6 victory for Canada, we made our way to the autograph area where a HUGE lineup had already formed. After an hour and twenty minutes of waiting, Caleb finally got his chance to meet Team Martin. Posing for pictures with each of the members, Caleb could barely speak - managing only short one word answers or a thumbs up. I’m sure that these curlers have met plenty of kids who look up to them and who are as big (or bigger ) a fan as Caleb is, but I don’t know if they realize the impact they have. The look on Caleb’s face when these men said hello, ruffled his hair or asked about his Little Rocks shirt they were signing was something that I will never forget. Go Canada, go!

There are not many chances you get to compete as a family of four as the entire team, but fortunately for us one of them seems to be growing in interest to us and our boys - curling. As I’ve mentioned before, both of our children have had a lifelong interest in the sport, even watching it intently as infants.

As Caleb’s first season of Little Rocks draws (get it?) to a close, it seems that we’ve found a sport that will hold interest for more than one year. Sunday was the family day for the Little Rocks athletes and they were asked to skip their teams in a small funspiel. Caleb took his responsibility of calling shots very seriously, asking each of us to attempt quite a few very difficult shots - none of which really went the way he wanted, but he was just pleased if the effort was there. At the end of the day, somehow we managed to finish with the most points and take home a nice prize (popcorn and a movie rental for the family!). Who says there is no such thing as beginner’s luck?

This weekend we’re heading to the Miramichi for the Little Rocks Jamboree. Caleb is very excited to participate in a competition of this sort. There will be young curlers from all over the province and his team will play a minimum of four games. The whole family is going up to support Caleb and his team and the experience should be terrific for all of us. Tolkien is already quite excited about joining up next year and we’ve actually allowed ourselves to imagine what it could be like for the boys to curl together as they grow up. Good times.

Saint Patrick’s day was always one of those “special” days at school that didn’t necessarily make a whole lot of sense to me. I don’t think I particularly learned very much about Saint Pat in the time running up to the date itself and I doubt very much that either of my kids would come close to passing a “How Well Do you Know Saint Patrick” test either.

Most of the education seems to lean towards crafts involving pots o’ gold or leprechauns,, both of which were highly associated with Saint Patrick…right? To be honest, any occassion where the kids can wear a specific colour and will be given a cookie or cake-like item is going to be a big hit.

Here’s an example of a typical exchange going on in many homes today;

Parent: Hey kids, who was Saint Patrick?

Kid 1: I dunno

Kid 2: He was a leprechaun!!

Parent: No, he was a Saint. Where did he live?

Kid 1: I dunno

Kid 2: Under a rainbow!!

Parent: No, he lived in Ireland. Do you know what he did?

Kid 1: I dunno

Kid 2: He had a pot of gold!!

Parent: SIgh. Good talk kids.

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On Saturday, we took the boys to the regional Beaveree, a gathering of Beavers from all over South Eastern New Brunswick.  All told there was about 50 kids from all over the area. Add in the parents, siblings, leaders and there was quite a crowd around for the event. 

It’s the first event of this sort that I’ve gone to with the boys and it was an absolutley great time. The first part of the afternoon was spent sliding and the hill was perfect - except for the poles right down the middle. That being said, there were no mishaps of any grand proportions, although Caleb did wipe out another kid who was walking up the hill with his dad. The other dad didn’t notice anything until his son was suddenly yanked from his grasp as his legs were taken out from underneath. Thankfully, the kid thought it was funny and wasn’t hurt at all. I told Caleb it might be a better idea to slide down the hill forwards so that he could actually see where he was going. Sound advice.

The theme of the Beaveree was “Happy Unbirthday” so on top of the sliding and other games, everyone had pizza, milk, a cupcake with candle and even a gift to unwrap. Impressive stuff! For Caleb it will be his only Beaveree, as he will be moving up to Cubs next year, but for Tolkien it could be the first of three, as he still has two more years of Beavering (is that a word?) to go. Warmer and longer days are ahead and the chance to get outside with groups like this or even just as a family is something that we’re really hoping to take advantage of as often as possible.

 

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I don’t think there really is any such thing as a “perfect parent” and I also think that anyone who thinks that they don’t need to continuously improve as a parent is fooling themselves to the detriment of them and their children. I think mistakes are a normal and healthy part of parenting and how you deal with them will have a big effect on how your child handles their own mistakes as they grow. Problems arise when mistakes become habits. And the longer you rely on these bad habits, the harder they will be for you to break. Remember the word BELLY

1) Bribery - This is something I’ve written about before. If your kid is always getting something extra to do something  normal, then you are on a dangerous path. If they need incentive to live up to reasonable expectations, then they will expect more and more and more.

2) Excuses, excuses - “Oh Johnny is overtired.” “Susie didn’t eat a good breakfast.” “Timmy is always nervous around new people.” Sometimes there are real reasons why your child misbehaves. If you find yourself using the same explanations or constantly explaining away your child’s poor behaviour, do yourself a favour. Stop. It’s fine to understand why your child misbehaves, but don’t excuse the behaviour. “I know you’re tired, but you’re still not allowed to do that” and follow through with the same consequences you would without the excuse.

3) Lying - Being careful about how much information you give your kids is prudent. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy? All good. Blatantly being dishonest with your children to end discussions or reduce questions? That’s a slippery slope and definitely not a behaviour you want to model, is it?

4) Lack of follow through - You say it, you do it. Pretty simple and it goes both ways, support and discipline. If you make a committment to your child, you have to follow through. Each time you don’t you erode their sense of trust and security. Eventually, your word becomes worthless and you have a child that feels no sense of obligation to listen to you.

5) Yelling and screaming - If you are constantly yelling and screaming, you may have a child that doesn’t get into much trouble around you but it’s likely because they are terrified. Have they learned self-control? Do they understand why there are certain rules and the importance of them? Also, constant yelling is going to desensitize them to it. Most experts say that if yelling is done only on rare occassions when you HAVE to shock your child, it can actually be effective. Imagine seeing your child running into the street, yelling “Stop!!” and having it barely register. Scary stuff.

This pretty much sums up my life at the moment. Baby Blues is one of the best cartoons out there for parents. If you haven’t checked it out before, you really, really should.

Seeing as how much I’ve enjoyed reading the old Dennis Lee stuff the past couple of days, here’s one more.

Alligator Pie

Alligator pie, alligator pie,
If I don’t get some I think I’m gonna die.
Give away the green grass, give away the sky,
But don’t give away my alligator pie.

 

Alligator stew, alligator stew,
If I don’t get some I don’t know what I’ll do.
Give away my furry hat, give away my shoe,
But don’t give away my alligator stew.

 

Alligator soup, alligator soup,
If I don’t get some I think I’m gonna droop.
Give away my hockey stick, give away my hoop,
But don’t give away my alligator soup.

Dennis Lee is one of my all time favourite children’s poets. I was having a hard time coming up with something to write about today, so I thought about things that I really enjoyed when I was younger and this was one of the first things that popped into my mind. Enjoy.

Suzy Grew A Moustache